My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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