With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
