I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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