See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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