marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
