Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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