i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
