ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
