Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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