i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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