If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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