we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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