just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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