why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
