There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I smell stomach acid.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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