we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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