I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
the raccoons are back...
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