Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
