I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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