she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
