Little spoons don't ask big questions
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
