Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
