I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You did what with his pubic hair?
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