my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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