I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
