U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
