i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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