Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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