sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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