Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
