So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
