How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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