I CAN MOONWALK!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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