Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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