Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
