carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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