As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
