I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
