Don't make out with my wife yet
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
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This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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