i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
