We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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