I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
