4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
