i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
