I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
