Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
