oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
