theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
