I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
