I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm so fucking centered right now
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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