It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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