I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
