sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm bleeding and have questions
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
