So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
