Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
