guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
