I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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