I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
