im six kinds of drunk right now
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's blow job season.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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