fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
