Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
