Small penises have feelings too.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
