i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
