why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
