Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
