well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
