I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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