So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She told me I should be a condom model.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
