she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
