the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
