i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
