So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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