I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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