soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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