Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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